Can we talk about mom guilt?

It is late on a Friday night as I write this after working a 65 hour week at my job, doing my best to find time to see the kids and my husband, trying to keep a semi clean house, and oh yah trying to take a little down time before I collapse from exhaustion. We as moms just do what we need to do to get it all done, women really are superheroes and especially in our children’s eyes.

I have been both a stay at home mom and a working mom and there are pros and cons to both and guilt that moms have with both.  I read this great article that pretty much sums up what all moms are thinking “how do I balance work life and home life?”.  I stayed home for 10 years while my kids were young and when my last one started school, I went back to work full time.  I needed it!!!! Staying home while my kids were young was very important to me and let’s be real who could afford day care for 6 kids? But can we talk about depression and loneliness when you stay at home all day watching Barney & Teletubbies which were popular when my kids were young. They loved that weird baby sun! haha. I felt like I was losing my identity and who I was as a person.  I truly felt like I was a wife, mom, cook, maid, nurse, counselor, you name it, but I was losing who I was as a person.  I felt guilty back then because I never got ready, I would stay in pajamas or sweats all day, because why not?  I felt guilty because we only had one income and I was not contributing to the family finances.  I feel guilty now because I am always at work and miss kids’ appointments and functions sometimes.  I feel guilty that I am not always available when they need me in that moment or there when they walk through the door after school.

I read a tweet that said “How could a pregnant woman talking on her phone while herding three additional children through a store notice I dropped my debit card and grab it for me? Because mothers are unnatural super human freaks who push the limits of excellence in the everyday routine of life.” @cydbeer.  Amen! I loved this so much. Parenting is the hardest job in the world and I also think that staying home is much harder than going to work. Sometimes I joke at work that I go there to get a break. Haha.

I know that we as women put this guilt on ourselves, always questioning if we are doing the right thing for our children.  I can tell you that I have 6 amazing children that are happy, healthy and thriving even though I work a lot. Don’t beat yourself up if you cannot be to every awards ceremony because you are at work, because we all know the schools have these things in the middle of a weekday. Haha.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help, we all need it and none of us want to admit that we do! This is very hard for me to do and I struggle with feeling that if I cannot do everything myself then I am failing as a mother, wife and in my career. I work on this every time I see my amazing therapist and have to work on telling myself that it’s okay to get help, it’s okay to say no, and you need to forgive yourself!