It’s ok to be that mom

Let’s Get Real!  Have you ever been that mom in Target with a child throwing a major tantrum, screaming at you and running away? Yep that is me. As a baby my son was very colicky and then started spiking extremely high fevers for no reason and these would happen about once every other week. We went to so many doctors and specialists and finally had to see a pediatric oncologist who decided IVIG injections would be the best option to boost his immune system.  For those of you that have never been through these, they are horrible.  Trying to get a baby to sit still for 8 hours with a needle in their arm hooked up to a machine is not a fun time! I think during this time is when he became especially attached to me.  Unfortunately, and fortunately, for both of us that attachment has been there ever since. This comes with many struggles as many of you moms know, especially mamas that are staying home with their kids like I was at the time.  It actually got to the point where the doctor recommended that I get a part time job just to start to get some separation between us.  He would sit by the front door on the floor crying the whole time while I would leave for a few hours.  Due to the deficiencies that he was born with from birth and then the trauma of the illness and his attachment issues, life has been far from easy for both of us, and all of us. 

As a parent you just do the best that you can with what you know.  If only there was a training or “how to” manual to do the hardest job in the world.  My son has a lot of behavior and anger issues that we have been dealing with since he was 3 years old.  Please don’t judge us parents that have a child throwing a major fit in the Target aisle because they were told no, or there were too many people in the aisle or too many loud noises. You always have those looky loos who you know are thinking you are a horrible parent and that their child would never act that way. The best is when your child with special needs is throwing such a major fit getting into their car seat that the person in the parking lot assumes you must be a horrible parent hurting your child and calls the police on you.  Yah it happened!! The hardest part of having children with special needs that are not physical, is that people love to judge and assume!  There were so many times I wanted to wear a shirt that said, “there is nothing to see here so just keep on walking”!! haha.  It has been extremely hard over the years, it has alienated us from family, friends, and church due to being judged or people not wanting to be around “those people with those kids.”  

I would say this has been one of the hardest things when you know something is not right, but you cannot get a diagnosis for your child.  We have seen so many doctors and psychiatrists, I think we have hit up almost every one of them in Las Vegas just trying to find answers.  Usually the answer was “we don’t like to label kids” so everything was just given mood disorder and a cocktail of medications. Mood disorder is hard to explain to the principal of your kindergarten son after he broke her nose. Or the other teachers who would call me on a daily to tell me he had run away from the school again, was throwing desks around or to come pick him up because they could not handle him.  This has been our lives for the past 12 years and I know better than anyone the strain this can cause on a marriage and family.

I know it can be so embarrassing and so frustrating when you have a child that has major outbursts, and especially in public.  It has taken me years and lots of therapy to realize that those other people do not matter, and you will probably never see them again anyway.  So, if you need to sit in the aisle at the store and wait for your child to calm down while you drink a coffee (or something stronger J), so be it! If you need to sit in your car and cry your eyes out because you just don’t know what to do anymore, I have been there. If you think you are the only one out there going through these things, you are not alone.  As much as people want to judge, you are an amazing parent who I know is extremely exhausted and somedays barely hanging on doing the best you can.  You are never alone; it truly does take a village to raise a child! 

I started this blog in hopes to help just one person by telling my experiences and struggles as raw as they may be and as much as I need to be brutally honest and get real! I have started a support group on Facebook @lgrealblogwhere people can feel comfortable to tell their stories and never be judged and learn from others experiences as well.  I will also be starting a local support group, please contact me if you would be interested in attending.