Our Journey with Foster Care

After the struggle to conceive, the difficult pregnancies, and the doctor highly advising me never to get pregnant again we began to wonder how we were going to get the family we had always wanted. We had two girls by now and I knew deep down my husband really wanted a boy, so we started to look into the option of adoption.  We looked at agencies which were outrageous in price and it was upsetting that they had pricing tiers based on sex and race of the children you were looking for. How is that even okay?

We had some friends that had done foster to adopt so we decided to look into this in our city. We did all the required classes, home visits, certifications, etc. and then waited for the call to hopefully get a placement in our home. We decided on doing shelter care which is where they place newborns in homes while they are looking for viable family members or a permanent foster home.  Typically, we would have a newborn no longer than 3 months, so we went from one newborn to the next and lots and lots of sleepless nights that were so worth it.  Being able to bond with these babies in the first few months of life are so important, and let’s be honest most of the newborns were going through withdrawal during that time as well. It was so hard to let them go after being so attached but reunification is always the goal in foster care.  We got a call in April 2002 for a baby boy that was born 3 months early at only 1lb. 9 oz. and had just been released from the NICU and would we take him in even with the special needs? Of course! We hurried down and saw the tiniest, most beautiful, ginger haired baby boy. We took this beautiful baby home and today he is a 17-year-old teenager making me crazy!!! Haha. In all honesty it wasn’t that easy, there were visits with the birth mom, an aunt who had taken other siblings and went back and forth for months deciding what she was going to do; while during that time we were getting more attached by the day but knowing that call could come any minute that they had found family to take him. We lived this way until the court date came that they were terminating parental rights and we could move forward with adoption. We were finally able to have our son forever as we went to court and legally adopted him. Now this is the very short and condensed version as I will go into so many other topics in my blog pertaining to foster care and adoption. This road has not been easy and I can tell you the two questions I get asked the most- “Do you love and feel the same about your adopted children as you do your biological children?” and “If you knew what you knew now, would you still have done what you did?” YES, and YES!!!!

The reason I started this blog is to be real and open about these subjects and not sugar coat anything; but being a foster and adoptive parent has been HARD as HELL!! There are so many times I have said, “What am I doing?” “Why would I bring this on?” “Am I hurting my other kids?” and a million other questions that keep you awake at night.  I had someone tell me once “you are so amazing for taking these kids in and changing their lives”, I responded with “they have changed me and my life so much that I need to thank them everyday for coming into our lives.” We have seen, heard, been through more ups and downs in the last 17 years than most people will endure in a lifetime, but I truly believe that how you handle trials defines the person that you are. Without trials we would not have the skills to navigate through life and the experiences to guide our children.

Even though fostering was very hard, and your heart strings are pulled every day I absolutely love being a foster parent.  Having those sweet little angels pass through our home, if only for a few days or weeks I could only hope that the snuggles and kisses we shared made an impact on their future. I remember getting a call one day for a little girl and while getting ready to go the phone rang again with the case worker on the other end asking if instead of taking the little girl if we could take twins since we had openings for two children at that time. I said yes without hesitation or asking my husband! Haha.  I came home that evening with two baby carriers instead of one! We had 5-day old twins, one boy and one girl.  They were so sweet and perfect and while we waited for months for the workers to find family there was none to find.  At 18 months old we adopted these two sweet babies and went to a family of 7! Now at the time the twins came into our home you have to remember our other baby was only 15 months old, so I essentially had 3 babies, a 5-year-old and a 6-year-old.  What was I thinking???? I know I have said this over and over, but it would go through my mind at least once a day. Luckily, I have a great husband who would help with the twins and we got into a routine that he would wake up when she cried, and I would wake up when he did.  Looking back, I don’t really know how we did it and it sometimes just seems like a blur.

As we were settling in with 5 kids, we knew we were at our max but loved fostering and continued to bring children into our home for years following.  A call came one day for a 3-month-old little girl whose foster family was going on vacation and asked if we could do respite care for a week.  Well that week turned into 13 years this year that we made our family of 8! We had not planned on adopting again after 5 kids, but we fell in love so much and when the foster family she was with returned from vacation, they said they could not take her back.  Things happen for a reason; you will hear me say this over and over in this blog.  I know she was meant to be in our family and made her way to us. So here we are with 6 amazing kids that came to us through so many ways; me as their birth mother and other birth mothers who gave me the greatest gift, their children to raise.

So, hang on and enjoy this crazy journey that we have been on for the last 17 years! Hopefully some of our experiences can help others who are on this parenting roller coaster of life.