Our Journey with Infertility

What do you want to be when you grow up? This was the easiest question anyone had ever asked me. “A mom”! I knew early on all I ever wanted was to be a wife and a mother, I just didn’t realize back then the amazing journey this would lead me on.

We were young, naive and in love at 19 years old so in the summer of 1995 we had a beautiful outdoor wedding; I know, I know what the hell were we thinking? One for getting married so young and two why outdoors in the middle of the summer in Las Vegas. We knew what we wanted, and I would say 24 years this year is a pretty good track record! Of course, for me, I wanted to start having babies right away and I figured you just have a crazy night and BAM! You are pregnant. Not so much!

When we are young, we all have this great plan for our lives but let’s get real, things typically do not go as planned! I have always believed that everything happens for a reason, sometimes understanding the reason in that moment is so HARD.  As you can imagine my great plan of getting pregnant right away was not in the cards for us.  I visited many doctors and found a fertility specialist in Las Vegas that we loved and went through all the testing to find out that they could not find anything wrong with either of us. Then you always have those oh so helpful people that want to tell you “You are just thinking about it too much, just stop thinking about it and it will happen”. Really???? How do you stop thinking about something that you have dreamed about your whole life? This started our infertility journey of shots, pills, egg retrieval, inseminations, crazy hormone bitchiness and much more.  After several attempts and being disappointed every single month when Aunt Flo would visit; we decided to take the plunge and do invitro fertilization.

My husband was so sweet and actually sold his pride and joy truck to get the money for this procedure since we were 21 and broke as hell! On the day of the procedure I was so nervous and excited; could this really be it? My doctor informed me that I would have many viable eggs at my age and could even consider freezing some for later. Guess what? Not the case.  I only had 3 viable eggs so now came the decision?? We were told that our odds increased immensely if we put back all 3 eggs but there is no way I could carry triplets so we would have to do selective reduction.  I know this is a very controversial topic but for us it was a decision we decided we would put in God’s hands.

Weeks went by and I would cringe every time the phone rang waiting to hear the same thing, we had heard so many times before.  Only this time the call was different, and I heard for the first time “Congratulations, you are pregnant!”

 This was the beginning of 1997, after almost two years of trying what seemed like everything and here, I was finally pregnant.  Not only did one of those not very good eggs take but two of them did.  The emotions I had were overwhelming with joy and fear, this was what I wanted remember but now it was real.  I made it 6 weeks into the pregnancy and on Valentine’s Day my biggest fear came true, I started bleeding.  We rushed to the doctor and we found out we had lost one and the only way to save the other was to go on complete bed rest for the entire pregnancy.  What? Are you kidding me? I had 7 months still to go but I would have done anything to be able to finally have the dream of becoming a mother come true. 

 Let me just tell you that the next 6 months were horrible! Not that I didn’t love feeling this miracle grow inside me but holy hell being on bed rest is hard. I started in early labor months before I was due but made it to 32 weeks until my water broke.  My little girl was not developed enough, and they kept me in the hospital for a month until her lungs were ready.  Then on my 22^ndbirthday I gave birth to the most beautiful baby girl! 

I remember them asking me at my 6-week check-up what I was going to use for birth control, and I was like “Please! I can’t get pregnant”.  Never say never! I had a newborn baby and guess what? I found out I was pregnant again.

My emotions were all over the place, dealing with no sleep, a new baby, postpartum and then being pregnant again. Whoa! Once again, I just had to remember that everything happens for a reason and I was just double blessed for getting pregnant so easy this time. But just like that reality hits and once again I was back on bed rest! I know what you are thinking.  A newborn and on bed rest, yah I was thinking the same thing. Luckily, I had support and I was able to keep her in until November and then I had to have an emergency C-section 2 months early.  While I was in the operating room the doctor suggested I tie my tubes as he did not think another baby was a good health decision for me or the baby. I just could not make that type of decision at only 23 years old. All I knew at this point was I had another beautiful, perfect, tiny little miracle!